Why Nobody Tells You That Your Girlfriend Sucks Until After You Break Up

Years ago, I hired an instructor who had experience from another martial arts  school. We were desperate for help, and he was eager to get an opportunity. 

Everytime I watched him teach, I would give him specific feedback on what was really good, and what we could do better. He wasn’t amazing, but he wasn’t terrible either. Rough around the edges for sure, but I felt confident I could train him. 

He seemed totally receptive to feedback, would nod his head, take notes, and confirm he will make those changes in his next classes. 

When I would stand on the mat, he would adjust to whatever adjustments I suggested- or at least try to.

 "He's trying to get better" I thought.

 I don't care about perfection, I just care about progress. 

But one day, I was sick, and decided to check in on the cameras at the school, which have audio and video. 

What I saw made me yell at my phone screen like I just watched my team blow the lead in the 4th quarter. He was teaching something completely different than what we reviewed. 

In addition, I watched him discipline a student in a way that I REALLY didn’t like, that wasn’t consistent with his culture.

This infuriated me, but I politely brought it up to him the next day. He seemed to be confused, so we reviewed it again, and went over proper techniques for dealing with a student who isn't listening. 

No one openly complained about this new instructor, but I wasn't getting rave reviews either. 

But he seemed so eager to learn and listen, and really wanted the job, so I kept him in his position (not head instructor, but assistant). 

As I recommend all school owners do, I checked in on the cameras regularly to see what happens when I'm not there. You can see where this was going. When I was on the mat, he for the most part, followed the curriculum and the systems of our school. But when I wasn't present, he would go totally rogue, and do whatever he wanted.

Because we needed to preserve the culture at the school, I decided enough was enough, and decided we needed to move on. 

He WAS NOT  graceful on the way out, which made the decision even easier.

 Over the next couple weeks, when I was mingling in the parent area, some of the parents asked where the instructor was. I told them we had moved on. 

That's when the truth came out, they DID NOT  like him. They felt like he was too harsh on the kids, and not in a regular martial arts discipline kind of way. But more in an authoritative, unkind, “do as I say right now or else” kind of way. 

I had not seen this side of him.

 I did have hints of this behavior when I was present , but nothing as egregious as what they were explaining. 

I only saw the tip of the iceberg. 

Why do I bring this up?

 Because if you have bad feelings about one of your instructors, but you're keeping them because of desperation or some sense of loyalty, you are hurting the people you care about most, your students. 

Whether you have had the instructor for 6 months or 6 years, your loyalty should be with your students, not with your one instructor. 

Here's the worst part about this, no one tells you that your girlfriend sucks when you're dating her. People's true feelings come out AFTER the fact.

 Very few brazen people will tell you how they truly feel while you're dating, they don't want to hurt the relationship they have with you. 

The same thing is true with your team. Everyone puts their best face in front of the boss, but if you're seeing red flags when you're with them, imagine what happens when you're not. 

What's the solution? I'm not saying you shouldn't trust your instructors, and you should become an overbearing paranoid spaz, but you should check in randomly and ask for honest feedback from your students / parents and the rest of your team.

“Trust but verify” I think is the best way to put it. 

The easiest, and most convenient way to do this is to do what I like to call Game Film Review. Watch recorded classes with audio / video from your security cameras. And if you don’t have them, they’re cheap and easy to install these days, there’s no excuse for not having them. 

Blind loyalty doesn’t protect your students or your business. Just because no one says anything doesn’t mean there is not a problem.

Trust, but verify.